Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2: A Hilarious Medley of Absurd Side Quests
Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 isn't just a brutally realistic medieval RPG; it's a comedic masterpiece of unpredictable events. My Bohemian adventures were filled with side quests so bizarre, they're worth sharing. These tales are spoiler-free, focusing solely on the game's wonderfully wacky charm.
Table of Contents:
- Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
- Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
- Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
- Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
- Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
- Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
Želejov, a town boasting a bathhouse, fighting arena, and tavern, is home to two incredibly lazy troubadours. Their ambition? To conquer Bohemia with their "epic" songs. Their reality? A lack of funds, an instrument, and any artistic direction whatsoever.
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Henry, ever the helpful soul, embarks on a series of increasingly ridiculous errands. He steals a lute (damaging his reputation), procures sheep gut strings (after the troubadours promptly break the lute strings), and even hauls bags to pay off their debt to the innkeeper (because apparently, carrying sacks is beneath their artistic genius).
The grand finale? A soul-crushingly boring song about Henry's own mundane tasks. The locals cringe, Henry facepalms, and I laugh uncontrollably.
Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
Remember those lute strings? They were crafted by Vojtěch, a drunken hunter who’d climbed a tree to escape wolves. The quest? Rescue him, save his horse, and sober him up. The reward? A loyal ally.
But I chose a different path. I carried the inebriated hunter to the nearest tavern. His reaction? Pure, unadulterated fury. He refused further assistance and limped off, later offering me a view of his shack as compensation.
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Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
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The Polovtsians, responsible for destroying Henry's home, were causing trouble in a tavern. My plan? Vengeance. The reality? A drunken singalong. Instead of battle, I found myself matchmaking and drinking with them. Then, a talking dog interrupted, delivering a life lesson and challenging me to swim across a lake. I survived (barely), amidst fits of laughter.
Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
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After mastering stealth, I attempted a heist. One botched robbery later, I was Bohemia's most wanted. Not because of the theft itself, but because I left behind incriminating evidence – flashy accessories and the lingering smell of a successful burglary.
Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
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I stole a horse and tried to sell it to Mikolaj, a gypsy horse trader. He was asleep. The horse bolted. I waited until dawn, enduring Mikolaj's agonizingly slow breakfast. The sale eventually happened, but not before a lesson in the game's meticulous detail and unpredictability.
Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
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These are just glimpses into the game's unique charm. Every choice, no matter how small, has consequences that ripple through the world. It's a commitment to realism and immersion that makes every playthrough a hilarious, unforgettable adventure. Bohemia awaits!
